two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
