I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
