y did u give ur computer a hand job?
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize