i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
