i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
