how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
