I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
NoShamevember. You game?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
