My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
