She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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