God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize