Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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