My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
