His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
