Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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