Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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