I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
