I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
He felt like a one man threesome
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
