okay pat passed out under dana's car
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize