i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
