sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
