Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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