the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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