omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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