im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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