I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
