i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
