the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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