these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
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