Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
