omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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