I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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