Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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