I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
