the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
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