Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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