Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
