Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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