Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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