Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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