Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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