Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
