omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
