he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
