He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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