I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
