you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
