I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
