I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
he's single and there are thong briefs.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
