She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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