so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
