my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
