Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
