hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I party with great urgency now.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize