38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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