and you said cock pushups were impossible
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Randomize
