you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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