When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Randomize
