Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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