I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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