hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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