barbara walters just said penis...
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
