If i come over, it means nothing
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Randomize
