there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
