just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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