Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
