just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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