I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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