I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
