The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Randomize
