there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Randomize
