The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
