my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
