Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
so let's talk penis.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
