Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
