i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
