buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
you inspire me to be a worse person
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
