i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Sorry my hands just texted you
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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