this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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