Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i need an iv and a liver transplant
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
