I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
