so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
