I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
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