Tell her she can't have a vagina
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
