My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
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