just tell him i said nine months
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
