My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize